I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
