Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
