Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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