you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
