You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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