It's Friday. Sex?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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