Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
