You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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