dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
