i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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