I was born with a shot glass in my hand
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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