Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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