just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
