I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
