Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We talked him into tasing himself.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
