Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
