Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
