Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
