you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
