i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Less talking, more tequila
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
