the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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