fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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