I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
