So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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