omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
