So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
