Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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