what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
