Sponge bath it is.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
