just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
