Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
