remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
only if we run a train.
done.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
