So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
