Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
