im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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