I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
