are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
