Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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