I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
