I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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