At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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