I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize
