Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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