True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
