I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
