Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
