Can Purell be used as lube?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
