i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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