Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
