i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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