I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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