so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
