I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
