break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
