how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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