Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
