I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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