Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
