if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
